To Whom It May Concern

Dirty Little Secrets: HR Edition

2012-02-14T09:20:00.006-05:00

*Disclaimer: I am aware that this is probably not true of all human resources managers on the planet, but this has been my exact experience these past months (or years? who knows anymore?) in Louisville. If you happen to be a human resources manager who actually hires (or at least attempts to hire) the best person for every position (and doesn't ignore 90% of all applicants), good for you! Also, I'm probably the best candidate for every job ever so I'll be waiting for you call. This blog, which is a testament to my ability and awesomeness, can act as my resume. K THX BYE!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

2012-02-01T11:00:00.002-05:00

I get asked a lot (mostly by my friends who live in other cities/states who are trying to convince me to join them in said city/state) why I haven't considered looking for jobs in other parts of the country, since Louisville/Southern Indiana is practically hemorrhaging jobs every hour. The easy answer? I don't have the balls to pack up my (cat-centric and borderline hermit-like) life and move across the country. The real answer? There are a lot of reasons why that isn't really an option right now. Believe me, I would love to live somewhere new that isn't known for meth labs, obesity, and hillbillies. I planned to make another pro/con list (since the last one was so helpful), but in order to keep my feet on the ground I have made a strictly con/con list.

Scott has a pretty good job here. Even though I have had a craptastic time finding a job as a barista or a Target team member, he seems to be doing okay.
How do you move four cats across the country?? Seriously, how? One is terrified of her own shadow, the other is old, greasy, and toothless, another has attachment issues, and Stanley is a dope. They all hate each other. Getting them anywhere further than 200 feet is going to be a challenge.
If we move, our house will no longer be our “primary residence” (legal jargon). That means we have to pay the government back that $8,000 they so generously bestowed upon us (with multiple strings attached). Um, no thank you. (Come on, April 2013!)
Speaking of houses, we would have to sell ours. Considering the house next door has been on the market for at least half the time we've lived here, I don't see that happening very quickly. Not to mention the shoddy paint job in the living room. (I am too impatient to use painter's tape! And too careless to paint without painter's tape. It's a hard life.)
Our families are here. And while a lot of people live far, far away from their families and still function, it's a good excuse to stay here for now. (No offense family.)
How can I live without Queen of Sheba? Or Shiraz? Or Simply Thai?! Perish the thought!
I would have to learn a new city, and I'm still learning to get around New Albany (and I've lived here 1.75 years). Do you know how big New Albany is? Not very. I couldn't even tell you the names of the roads you have to take to get to the Kroger two miles away.
I suck at meeting new people. I have a few friends here, and I am afraid if I move I will only hang out with my cats. I mean, we get along well and all, but we don't really see eye to eye on many things (like evolution and which is the best season of Arrested Development). It can be awkward.(Psst. It's Season 2.)
Transferring bank accounts/driver's licenses/registrations/magazine subscriptions is annoying. (And maybe I still haven't gotten an Indiana license yet. Oops.)
I don't enjoy plane rides. So, if we were to move too far away, coming home for holidays may force me to ride in a plane. That will end in a fiery explosion, I just know it!
We won't be able to (begrudgingly) make our yearly pilgrimage to Gatlinburg, TN. (Okay, maybe that is a sarcastic reason. Do sarcastic reasons count?)
I might get mocked for my accent. Womp, womp.
I. Hate. Moving. Always and forever.
I would have to participate in book club (yes, I have a book club) via Skype. Or speakerphone, since (let's face it) I'll probably still be in pajamas all day. That's just not the same. (Starting a new one is not an option. See #8.)
Depending on where we move, there is a possibility of more vegan restaurants to try! (Oh, wait. That's a pro. Strike that.)

Alas, moving right now is just not feasible. While I know that getting outside of my comfort zone would be good for me, there are just too many things holding me back right now. A year from now, I might be singing a different tune (although I now know at least one of my cats hates my singing). But it seems I'm stuck in Indiana for at least another year and some change. And that's okay, because it's where I belong: in this crappily painted house that is constantly covered in a thin layer of cat hair and dust, with a perpetual pile of dirty laundry in the spare room, smack-dab in the middle of an octogenarian neighborhood with my husband and four cats that I love. And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Except maybe somewhere I can find a job.

Practically Perfect

2012-01-25T22:36:00.005-05:00

Normally, I read Craigslist for hours and hours (or 12 minutes) in order to find the weirdest jobs available in the area. Today, I thought I would be crazy and write a post about other people looking for jobs who have posted their resumes on Craigslist (because there's a Resumes section on Craigslist! Who knew?). Well, some of them were a bit depressing, and I couldn't really justify getting on here and mocking them. (I have to draw a line somewhere. I think.) But then I remembered the Childcare section. Turns out, it is a goldmine! There are always a ton of people (99% of them women, myself included) who arbitrarily decide they should be babysitters or nannies because they are female (or because they like children, but more so because of their reproductive organs I'm sure). Some are legit (daycares, actual experienced nannies), others are just plain odd (Memaw's Childcare). But they seem a bit less depressing than the others.

So, today instead of Weird Job of the Week, I am instating Weird Job-Seekers of the Week: Nanny Edition. (Names, email addresses, and phone numbers have been changed to protect the identity of these oh-so-fine potential nannies.....except Angel. Sorry, Angel.)

Post #1

Hello . You can call me Angel. I am 16 but home schooled. I graduate next month. I'm left handed so I think differently . I'm very responisble. I love kids . And I have 5 years paid experience with ages from practically newborn to 10 . Usually I would be watching 3 or 4 kids at a time so I'm good with multiple kids . I can't drive but I can cook and clean . I've watched kids over night . I've even kept 2 kids for a whole weekend . And 3 on a different occasion. I have a cell phone so its easy to get ahold of me . I'm available 24/7 and could be a live-in sitter if needed . Or maybe part time live-in. Email me at REALGOODNANNYLOLZ@gmail.com and I'll give you my number . Thanks and have a good day . God Bless(:.

Hello. Is your actual name Angel, or is that your alias? Are you in the witness protection program? A 16 year old home schooled graduate sounds a little sketch, but I'll go with it for now. But when you say you are left handed and that you think differently, is this code for something? Because I kind of don't get it. Is it like, “I'm left-handed if you know what I mean (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)?”I like how you make up for the fact that you can't drive by following up with what you CAN do. Smooth. And what do you consider “practically” new – OMG WAIT YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE?! That settles it – HIRED!

Post #2

Hi, I'm looking for a part-time nanny position. I'm free Monday-Wednesday. I'm a responsible and very experienced mother. I'm energetic, creative, and patient. Please email me for more information about myself.

Monday-Wednesday are very limited hours. And you don't really say much about yourself, which might be a good thing when compared to the the post below. But, um, what is a “very experienced mother?” Do you have 32 children? Or are all of your children 40 years old? Still, a vast improvement from #1.

Post #3

19 Year old female, mother of a 7 week old daughter. Looking to do child care in my home or yours.
I am Certified Nurses Aid, and currently unemployed, looking to take care of your bundle of joys.
Im a fun, corky person with an all around attitude. I have references. I can work morning, noon, and nights..
I will prepare food for the children. Im a big advocate of healthy food since i had my daughter, so ill encourage it in your children as well.
Email me or call me @12345678 if i dont pick up please leave a voice mail.
Pricing varies, but i will not work for no less then $8.50 an hour.
thanks, Your #1 Nanny
Happy New years.

Corky, huh? Is that a synonym for wino? Or are you just really buoyant and full of holes? According to Merriam-Webster, you are describing yourself as: resembling cork or having an unpleasant odor or taste. Is that what you are going for? And while it's great you aren't planning to let the children starve, do you also plan on teaching them the fine art of not using correct punctuation and capitalization in a post that is supposed to be convincing people that you are the right person to care for their children? Or, excuse me, their “bundle of joys.” You say you "will not work for no less than $8.50 an hour," is this a riddle? Will you work for more than $8.50 an hour? Oh, you puzzle master, you. But thanks for wishing me a “Happy New years”. Right back atcha.

Okay, after reviewing all of the above nannies, I have to go with......Nanny #2. I like how she is a very experienced mother, writes in (grammatically-correct) full sentences, and doesn't describe herself as being smelly or left-handed (yikes! You know how I feel about those “different thinkers.”).

Nanny #2, congratulations! You won a fake job babysitting fake children on the Nannying Game!! Hopefully you aren't a serial killer like Rodney Alcala. (Seriously, he is terrifying.)

I Can Do Some Stuff

2012-01-20T16:50:00.004-05:00

I can do a lot of cool stuff. Especially with my eyes. Seriously. I can cross them both, cross one at a time, move them really fast, even shake them back and forth. I guess there are other things I can do. I can cook, I can write, I can read kind of fast, I can come up with a witty joke really fast, I can determine just by looking at a food if it contains animal products (most of the time, and this is not a challenge!), I can buy things online with ease because I have memorized all of my account numbers, I am really good at board games (not so much at video games), and I can even do a lot of weird voices.

See? I am pretty talented. But, please, don't be jealous of me. Why, you ask? Well, while there is a huge list of things I can do, there is an equally huge list things I can't do (based on my rejected applications). Here is a list of things I can not do:

Answer phones.

Make coffee. (Although, to be fair, they are probably right about this one.)

Make copies. (It's not like there is some magic machine that makes copies for us, right Don?)

Brush a dog.

Type. (Obviously, that's true. I am getting my cat to type this as I dictate to her what I want to say, after all. And she writes all of my resumes for me. Isn't that what cats are for?)

Other duties as directed by supervisor.

Organize files.

Greet customers. (I mean, really. What if I do something weird like shake my eyes, or smile?)

Use Microsoft Office. (It's this really obscure suite of programs that lets you, like, type and make presentations? I don't know if you've ever heard of it. Probably not.)

Schedule things.

Think strategically. (My thinking is pretty unstrategic.)

Pay attention to details.

Use internet. (Use interwhatta? Is that some new fangled technology machine?)

Have a “can-do” attitude. (I can't do that.)

In order to make this post a positive one, I am going to pull the old sandwich trick. The beginning was about things I can do, the middle about things I can't do, and I will end on another excellent skill of mine. I am perfectly capable and highly skilled at berating these idiots who think that someone who is twenty-six years old, has experience in jobs that have had me perform all of these tasks however menial they are, has graduated from college and graduate school, who can perform daily tasks like taking a shower and putting on socks successfully, who is nice but maybe a bit awkward at times, and who is 100% willing to do any and all duties put in front of her faster and better than half of the schmoes out there who don't even know how to turn on a computer would not make the best employee on the face of the Earth! Maybe I don't have forty-seven years of experience answering phones or writing things, but I have a brain that absorbs information and uses it later in situations that apply to said knowledge. I have logic! I have problem-solving skills. I have eyes that I can move really fast! Who else can say that? Probably nobody. So, hire me and all of your wildest dreams will come true.

There, how's that for positive?

Ambush Interview

2012-01-13T14:18:00.005-05:00

I had a phone interview last week. I know some of you are (erroneously) thinking “Yay!” Allow me rephrase that first sentence: I had an impromptu (aka: surprise) phone interview last week. Okay, now I think some of you are still thinking “Yay!” What is wrong with you? Don't you know me at all? Those of you who do know me a little better have probably revised your initial thought to something more like “Oh, boy.” Yes. That one. Oh, boy.

First of all, if you were interested in interviewing someone, you wouldn't just show up at their house unannounced and start asking questions like it was completely normal, right? That's what this was like. An ambush interview. (Is this a thing? I think it is a decent concept for a reality television show. People applying for jobs, but then being ambushed in their own homes – and subsequently interviewed. I mean, there are shows about ice sculptors and people who ship things in trucks. I think this could be a success. But in real life, when not hosted by the likes of Mario Lopez or Meredith Vieira, it is a bad, bad idea.)

I didn't think it was necessary to point out that people (me) need time to prepare before being interviewed. Regardless of the fact that I have been on no less than a dozen interviews in the past few months, I still need to remind myself that I am trying to get a job. That means rehearsing how normal people talk in normal situations to other (presumably) normal people. It means not making jokes that I think are hilarious that nobody else gets or laughing at inappropriate times or dancing to the music that only I can hear. It means being professional, or at least pretending to be.

When I don't get that time to prepare, it often leads to disaster. I wouldn't exactly call the phone interview a disaster, but it wasn't pretty. I received the call around 10:00 a.m., but wasn't able to call back until after 3:00 p.m. The first time I called back, I accidentally pressed mute on my phone and had to call right back. Strike one. After about ten minutes of being on hold, I was finally connected to the woman who left the message. Needless to say I was a little flustered. The following is a dramatic written reenactment of the telephone interview (after all of the introductions and boring stuff), including interviewee's commentary. I must also add that the job was at an animal hospital, thus explaining all of the questions she asked about animals.

Woman: Do you have time for a phone interview?

Me: Uh, right now? (Note the hesitation. I know this is a bad idea.)

Woman: Yes. If you have time.

Me: Ok. Sure. (Still not 100% positive that this should be happening.)

Woman: Tell me about your experience with animals.

Me: I volunteer for the animal shelter, and I have had cat and dogs all my life. (Okay, perfectly acceptable answer. Good job.)

Woman: What do you like about working with animals?

Me: (Pause) I like everything about working with animals. Except maybe the poop. (No. This is unacceptable. Is there a rule that you should never bring up poop during an interview? I am pretty sure there is. If not, there should be. Strike two.)

Woman: Well, besides that is there anything else you don't like about working with animals?

Me: No, not really. I like seeing the animal's personality. But sometimes you don't know if you are doing something to provoke an animal and put yourself in danger. (Like, do I torture animals? What am I trying to say here?)

Woman: What do you mean?

Me: You don't know if you are maybe doing something to an animal to make it mad until it gets mad. And then it might scratch you or bite you. (I don't really know what this means. I sound like a drunk toddler. Strike three.)

Woman: Oh, okay. Right. (This is the part where she talks more about the job. I don't really remember what she said except for a few indecipherable notes I made while on the phone. These include the phrases "scrub allowance," "50-60 animals," "discounts on 3 pets," and "anytime." Very helpful. But I do remember what she asked next.) Do you like working independently or with a group?

Me: I like working independently. But I also like working with a group. I think I'm good at doing both. I'm better at being independent. But if I have to work in a group I'm probably better at that. (Maybe not the exact wording, but I did incoherently babble on about this for way too long. Strike four.)

Woman: I see. Okay. Well, thanks. We just started doing phone interviews. We'll call you in a few days if we want you to come in for an interview. Thanks for your time.

Me: Ok. Bye. (Thank god this is over.)

I have not heard back. It has been over a week. Am I surprised? No. Some people may be able to adapt to this situation. Not me. I need at least a couple of hours to prepare. A few days is appreciated. The concept might make a good reality show, but it does not make a good impression on the person conducting the interview. Stupid ambush interviews!

Auld Lang Syne

2011-12-27T20:08:00.009-05:00

This month, I celebrated the one year anniversary of my graduate school graduation. And by celebrated, I mean thought about it once or twice because who actually celebrates their graduation anniversary? And by graduation, I am referring to the one I did not attend. I have also thought about the fact that I have yet to actually pick up said degree (the same is true for my Bachelor's Degree) – and all I can say for this is “Oops.” Maybe at some point I will actually go pick them up (and pay an extra $25 fee for not picking them up within 12 months – my bad), but I can't make any promises. There are three books on my coffee table that I checked out from the library three months ago, and continue to renew online so I don't have to take them back. I can't explain my inability to take the books back (the library is like two miles minutes away) or pick up my degree within a year, but there is something in my genetic code that doesn't allow me to do these kinds of things in a timely manner (just ask my sister). There is a reason I canceled Netflix, after all (and it may involve having the same Harry Potter DVD for 8 months).

Sorry little guy.

Since it is almost New Year's Eve, it is a good time to reflect on the past year, figure out where I want to make changes in the year to come, and make a New Year's resolution that I think will make my life better (but in actuality will just disappoint me when I inevitably drop the ball). But screw that. It sounds depressing and not fun. Instead, I want to bring your attention to something that needs to be addressed in the world of the employed, and that thing is holiday parties. If I walked outside right now and happened to see a shooting star, I would make a wish, and this would be my wish:

“Dear shooting star that I am supposed to wish on because Disney movies tell me to,

I really wish that cancer and AIDS and other awful diseases were cured (because duh!), and I also wish that if I ever get a job that I never, ever have to go to the holiday party. I just don't think I can take it.

Thank you.

A random girl you don't know. But that shouldn't deter you from granting my wish. Or wishes. However many I just wished for. Please. The end.”

Office holiday parties are just the worst. Even if there a few co-workers you can stand being around in a non-work environment, there are inevitably those that you want to stab with the straight end of a candy cane that you worked really hard on all afternoon to get to a deadly sharp point only to stab yourself in the tongue and cause blood to come gushing out of your mouth. I recently attended my husband's holiday party, and I wanted to lay down under the table, rock back and forth, and cry. There were games, presents, chocolate, a roaring fire, booze (or Coca-Cola Classic if, like me, that is your G-rated poison), and even live entertainment! But not even the nutcracker centerpieces (that we were allowed to take home!) could liven up this event. It was the pits. Conversations centered around and ended with (since none of these people actually like each other or have anything in common) work, and occasionally, a wildly inappropriate sexual innuendo. The gift exchange (that takes place at every single office-mandated holiday party) had a $5 limit that I stuck to because that is the limit and when you go over the limit even though you think you are being cool you are actually just angering everyone who did stick to the limit (Michael Scott)!

And, because of my adherence to the rules of the party (because office parties have rules), my gift was ridiculed and nobody wanted it. You know why? Because I was forced to pick out a $5 gift to give to someone that I have only seen once before in my whole life that I know nothing about and since the gifts were not separated into “his” and “her” piles, a grown man ended up with my very cute, glittery gingerbread tea light holder. (I should also add that my husband, who works with these people, was in the same “What the heck do I buy these people” boat even though he sees them for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.) We ended up with a weird LED fountain (that I traded for a sandwich grill – and that was trading up), and an ornament of Santa and Mrs. Claus dancing. Awesome.

Why do people want to get together with the people they are forced to be around 40 hours a week (note the word forced), just to be reminded of work? People don't enjoy work (unless you are very lucky), and don't want to be reminded of it on their day off. When I had a job (eons ago), the last thing I wanted to do was to even see the place where I worked on a day off. Work can be stressful, and people get days off for a reason. Holding office parties on these days off just isn't fair.

Moral of the story: office parties are hardly ever fun (especially when you, or your husband in my case, work in an office that consists of: 90% women over 47, and 10% other). You can't really be yourself. You don't really want to be there, and only really go out of obligation. I sincerely hope that whenever I find a job that I like each and every one of my co-workers, or that my bosses are enlightened people and realize that office parties are never a good idea. Or maybe I will be lucky and somehow I will work with 30 cats. Now THAT would be a fun party! Catnip all around!!

Troubled Bridge Over Water

2011-12-15T10:00:00.006-05:00

As many of you who live in or around Louisville already know, the unthinkable occurred in early September. The Sherman Minton bridge (one of only three bridges that connect Southern Indiana to Louisville), was closed due to cracks found in the underlying structure. This has thrown a rather large and inconvenient wrench into my whole getting a job and making money plan. It might sound like I am just using the bridge as an excuse to take a break from my job hunt and be lazy (and believe me, I am super lazy). But that is (mostly) not the case. Let me explain. There are approximately 19 jobs listed in the New Albany area, 17 of which are nursing jobs. And I am not, nor will I ever be, a nurse (I don't like sick people, staying up late, or scrubs). Due to this bridge closure, traffic in and out of Louisville in the mornings and afternoons is atrocious. Now, people out in California (or some other area of the country that has heavy traffic that I am unaware of) may be used to this, but I am a Kentuckian. My idea of heavy traffic is sitting at a stoplight for more than 8 minutes. I have already mentioned my intense hatred of driving (as well as other drivers), so the prospect of sitting in traffic for an hour or more each way is completely unacceptable. I would rather make 24 snow angels in my underwear than sit in traffic for more than two hours a day (other things I would rather do than wait in traffic for more than two hours a day: take the GRE again, eat an entire bowl of peas and mushrooms, or watch local news meteorologists take over the airwaves and tell me repeatedly that the storm heading our way is going to be a 'doozy').

So, most jobs that are listed in Louisville are pretty much eliminated from my already shallow job pool. I have made a few exceptions and applied for jobs I think would eventually be worth my time and effort getting across the remaining bridges for the six months it takes to get the Minton in working order, but obviously those haven't worked out.

Some of you may think that I am prematurely ruling out an entire metropolitan area's worth of job prospects due to a small inconvenience. I assure you, I am not. For one, I am prone to road rage. I feel I am not only protecting my sanity by abstaining from applying for jobs in Louisville – but I am also protecting the bumpers and faces of my fellow commuters. Plus, the traffic is annoyingly unpredictable. Some days (when I feel brave enough to face the multitude of cars fighting their way across the Ohio River), it takes me no time to get from Indiana to Kentucky. Others, it takes nearly an hour (or more). And these instances aren't even during that golden time of day known as rush hour. This is at 2 pm on a weekday, or 7 pm on a Sunday. There is no way to predict how long it will take to span that river. It's 2011; we have iPads, cars that parallel park themselves, refrigerators and dryers that connect to the internet, 3D TVs – but we are still bested by a polluted, little river. (Well, everyone except for that guy with the amphibious car. And he's a doctor. Of course he's a doctor!) That bridge (I like to call him Shermione) is probably just sitting there, laughing at all of us who have taken him for granted all this time.

I don't blame him one bit.

Maybe once the bridge is reopened, I will reconsider my stance on applying for Louisville-based jobs. Or, maybe I will continue to keep my eyes peeled for any opportunities on this side of the river and hope for the best. Even with all three bridges functioning, the drive to Louisville is still more than I would like to face daily. Plus, you never know when another bridge may be decommissioned. For now, I am sticking to jobs within a 20 mile radius. And I'll just have to see what happens when Shermione is up and running again. I still have some time. Because you know what I always say: bridges aren't built (or repaired) in a day. And, to all of you who face that dreadful commute, you have my respect. But I am happy I'm not in your shoes. Although they are probably very nice shoes.

Weird Job of the Week: Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater!

2011-12-11T19:42:00.006-05:00

Okay, I admit -- in high school (and college), I didn't always read everything assigned to me. Shocking, I know! Sometimes I skimmed, sometimes I simply read summaries and hoped it covered all of the important parts. Although, if I knew I had an important assignment that required me to read something (say, a paper or book review) -- I read it. And I never cheated. I am an honest person with a pretty distinct writing style. Not only would I feel extremely guilty about cheating, I am certain a teacher or professor would call my bluff. Call me crazy, but I don't think one paper is worth failing a class or getting expelled.

On that note, the following is a post I found on Louisville Craigslist from early November:

Have you read Ender's game? $$$
If you are good at writing and want to get paid for it read further; Ender's Game is a novel by Orson Scott Card. I need a critical analysis 5-6 pages long(double-spaced). The criticism must be supported by passages from the book, as well as three secondary sources properly documented in MLA format. This essay may interpret the meaning of the work, evaluate the quality, theorize about the book's place in a larger literary context, or any combination of the three. The essay must be written in third person, so no "I" or "you" words. Name your price, we can negotiate

First of all, I can see why this plagiarist needs someone to write their essay for them. I can count approximately six typos in this seven sentence Craigslist post alone.

Second of all, are you freaking kidding me? (Okay, perhaps that should have been my first point.) Clearly, this is an assignment for a high school student. But I am simply amazed that this person couldn't seem to BS their way through a 5-6 page (double-spaced!) paper about a 350-page book. Isn't that the most important lesson in high school? I mean, we aren't talking about a doctoral thesis on War and Peace, here! It is a 2,500 word essay about a pretty accessible 350-page novel. Reading that book should take no more than 8 hours total. And writing a 5-6 page, double-spaced essay interpreting the meaning of that work using three secondary sources should also take no more than 8 hours. This was posted at 10:42 AM on a Saturday (look at me! I'm a regular Sherlock Holmes). Even if the assignment was due the following Monday, that should have been plenty of time to get the assignment done.

This kid needs to take a break from drinking Mountain Dew and playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 and get his or her act together (although I am, admittedly, being a little judgmental, I believe the proper pronoun is 'his,' but I will give him or her [him] the benefit of the doubt)!

The following is an open letter to the author of this post:

Dear Author of "Have you read Ender's Game? $$$,

Is paying a stranger with money from your newly opened savings account into which you have proudly deposited over $1600 by fervently scanning and bagging groceries at your minimum wage, part-time position at Kroger really worth the less than 20 hours of work that you would put into writing this "difficult" essay? Won't your parents be at all curious where all that money went? Because they are probably monitoring it to make sure you aren't buying drugs or becoming a truant (which, by the way, you so obviously are). And, not knowing how to write a 5 page paper and having no knowledge of the book, how do you expect to judge the success of the essay? What if I responded and said I would do the essay for $150, and then proceeded to write an essay using pitiful grammar (like, saying "supposebly," or "a interesting fact"), interpreting the work to mean that all panda bears should be extinct, and use sources such as my Keurig owner's manual or Wikipedia (the horror!)? What if I (somehow) tracked you down, and turned you in to your Senior English teacher for being not only a sorry excuse for a student, but a pretty big dim-wit for expecting someone on Craigslist to respond and actually give you a decent piece of writing? Don't you know Craigslist readers are comprised of approximately 75% idiots, 20% crooks/murderers/rapists/general creeps, and only 5% normal people/bloggers? And, believe me, the normal people/bloggers will not be the ones responding to this desperate plea from a high school student for someone to do their homework. Please, next time, just read the book and write a few pages that sound like they make sense. It's probably a lot better than being stalked by someone from that 20%. Or, if you decide to post again, don't use the phrase: "Name your price". You really don't want to open that can of worms.

Sincerely,
Andie

Pros(e) and Cons

2011-12-08T21:09:00.008-05:00

I've heard that a lot of people out there make pro/con lists to make an important decision. Realistically, I am not really friends with these people, and I am basing this observation more on depictions in popular media than real life. While this kind of list isn't really pertinent to my situation (as my lack of job isn't really my own decision), I thought it would be helpful to lay it all on the line. What are the pros and cons of having versus not having a job? Am I better off at home with my cats who love me or at work with people who will probably hate me (we all see where this is going..)? Should I stop worrying and resign myself to a life of daytime television and mail checking or is all of this effort looking for a job and writing this blog worth it?

Pros of Jobness
1. Income. Doy. Isn't this obvious?
2. Reason to take a shower before noon. Don't judge me, clean people.
3. People (not cats) to talk to.
4. Let's face it. I can't watch Investigation Discovery all day, every day without inevitably coming across a few reruns. And I already know how the well-to-do doctor of the small town was murdered by his scheming wife. Been there, done that.
5. Lower credit card bill (also known as: less online shopping). I single handedly keep oldnavy.com in business. Seriously. Go there. Buy some stuff. They are probably in financial trouble without my bi-monthly order.
6. I will meet new people. They can't ALL be bad (or over 50). Right??
7. A real answer to that inevitable question, "So, what do YOU do?"
8. Make my Master's degree at least a little worth it.
9. Excuse to buy new clothes! (That might void number 5...)
10. Money (again), for all those clothes I will be buying.

Cons of Jobdom
1. I still need to finish re-reading all of the Harry Potter books.....that I started 6 months ago.
2. The cats would miss me. Seriously. And I would probably miss them. How could you not miss this??
3. I have become accustomed to awaking to my natural alarm, and alarm clocks are bad for my soul.
4. Health. If I work, I won't have time to cook (or, more accurately, I would be too lazy to cook) healthy and delicious meals and would probably resort to frozen dinners and Taco Bell.
5. Scott takes lunch to come home and see me (& eat), and I can't force him to give up this luxury.
6. Um, I would have NO time to write this blog that is ever so popular.
7. Nobody to keep the thieves lurking outside my home at bay. I have been called the Kevin McAllister of New Albany.
8. Health again. No time to exercise on the expensive treadmill that lay dormant in the back room. (Hey, it could happen.)
9. An entire kitchen full of snacks is mere steps away.
10. Did I mention the cats??
I mean, come on!
11. Three words: Sweatpants. All. Day.
12. Matinee prices (and smaller crowds) at the movies.
13. If I worked, who would talk Scott into taking a day off to watch Netflix all day? Nobody, that's who!
14. The laundry/dishes/litter box situation would suffer, and while I am okay with being semi-disgusting, it is unacceptable (most of the time) for my house to be in the same state.
15. Unemployment means more material for my blog! And, remember, it is VERY popular.

Right. Obviously, the list is on the side of not having a job. Because nobody, really, wants to work (given the option). Okay, there are probably those crazy people who thrive on giving pointless PowerPoint presentations (hello, alliteration!), on entering inane and never-ending information into an unorganized database, and maybe even like the people they work with -- I am not one of these people. There are people (robots) who work overtime for fun, and don't know what to do with themselves on a day off. I am certainly not one of these people. I want a job to make money. No more, no less. I would like to tolerate my coworkers, but I doubt I will ever, really, be friends with them. I hope to tolerate my work, but I doubt I will ever, really, love it. A job is a means to an end. And that end, is feeding my children (cats).

So, I have to face the fact that even though the list is clearly against my employment, there will come a time when I will cross that threshold from unemployed to responsible adult who wakes up to an alarm and makes concessions when it comes to comfortable clothing and lunchtime bonding. But I probably still have a few years and blog posts before I reach that milestone.

Horrible Bosses

2011-12-03T11:27:00.004-05:00

The movie is right. Sometimes bosses are horrible. It's just a fact of life. If you are lucky enough to have a boss that doesn't make you question your life choices on a daily basis, do anything you can to keep that job (okay, maybe not anything)! And if, someday, you become a boss – try not to be a total jerk face. I've never had the luxury of having a boss that I could stay in the same room with for twenty minutes without wanting to stab my eyeballs with freshly sharpened pencils. My previous bosses were not so much mean or condescending as they were crazy. Insane. Nuts. Barmy. Call you what you like, but truth be told, I am kind of afraid of my next job because the crazy seems to follow me around.

When I was in high school, I had a job at a movie theater. When I started, my boss was a rather large, bearded man we'll call Angry Blob. Angry Blob hated his life, and he took it out on his employees. He once yelled at me for liking Harry Potter. I don't mean he said "Harry Potter is dumb," he yelled at me because only idiots like Harry Potter. Yeah, it was a fun time. He once told me I was counting wrong when cashing out my drawer. No, not adding wrong, or leaving out the number 12. According to him, I was supposed to count highest bills first, otherwise I would get the total wrong. After he was fired for some reason unknown to me (maybe because he was mentally unstable), police had to come in every day for months to make sure he didn't come back and shoot everyone. Some of my co-workers found a blog he wrote in which he bashed some other people who worked there saying they will never do anything with their lives. I swear he called a few times and asked for himself. I quit this job when I went to college.

I didn't have a lot of jobs, so the next one wasn't until a few years into college. I worked at what appeared to be a normally functioning research lab at my college. Boy, was I wrong! My boss there was almost indescribable. I will call her Bare-Foot Betty. Bare-Foot Betty was ALWAYS bare-foot. Even when going to the bathroom. A public bathroom. There was a notice on our bulletin board from another room of the building telling her she had to wear shoes if she came in that room. I guess that alone doesn't make her insane, but there are so many stories that I can't even remember them all. She was a whirling dervish, she brought in her didgeridoo to play one day, and she once told me the air in Wisconsin was beautiful. She talked about very personal things with me that I did not feel comfortable talking about, thus she disliked me for not allowing her to tell me about how her mom treated her like a pariah all her life. What made it even more uncomfortable was that her mom worked there, as well! Once I made a comment about my hands being cold, and she came over to me and took my hands and told me that she has the power to warm hands. She held them for 10 minutes, staring at me the entire time. And just to give you one more little anecdote, her voice mail message was the sound of her cats purring. Once I graduated, I left this job behind for greener pastures (only to go crawling back after I could not find a job). Clearly, those green pastures still elude me.

Once I graduated, I found a short-lived job at a company in Southern Indiana. I will call my boss there EMATIA (short for, Even More Awkward Than I Am, and that is saying a lot). EMATIA was always incredibly anxious around me, and I assume all other humans. She blinked uncontrollably, fumbled over her words, and would sometimes stop talking in mid-sentence and walk away. It's a wonder we even got through the interview. When I first started, she took 10 minutes to explain how to unlock and lock the supply closet door. Of course, those things aren't really her fault, but they are hard to ignore. And once you think your boss is a little weird, it just seems to snowball. Several times, she asked me into her office only to start talking about Mammoth Cave (seriously, she talked about Mammoth Cave ALL THE TIME). A few minutes later, she would get a bewildered look on her face and tell me I should get back to work. Like she had no idea why I was there. Once, she called me into her office and explained to me that, although her entire family worked at this place, they were all very qualified for the position and it had nothing to do with nepotism. I can assure you, I never once questioned this and the fact that she brought it up only made me suspicious. One of my last days, I went into the bathroom, and she came in after me (it definitely seemed planned). She then proceeded to talk to me while she was in the next stall. And she wasn't going NUMBER ONE! There were many other problems with this place, but she didn't make the whole situation any easier.

Like most women/girls/females, I have paid my dues as a babysitter. After working at the aforementioned Southern Indiana company, I tried my hand at being a nanny/babysitter/child wrangler (whatever you choose to call it). My first job was with a woman with two children who was recently separated from her husband. So, sometimes I would be at their dad's house watching them and others I would be at her house. After a few weeks with her, I suppose she felt comfortable enough to ask me to spy on her husband. She thought he was sleeping with his maid. She then proceeded to tell me details about their intimate life that I had no desire to know. I even think she left an email from him up on her computer so I would read it. It was weird. I didn't work there very long. The next woman was married, with three children. She seemed normal enough at first. Then I learned about the New Kids on the Block obsession. She went on a NKOTB cruise, flew to Vegas to see them, and talked about them non-stop. She called Donnie "DW" and her 4 year old daughter would talk to me about DW, asking if her mommy was going to marry him. It was a little out of control. What was even more weird was that NKOTB Mom "worked from home." This means, she was on Facebook or reading blogs 90% of the time, and out shopping the other 10%. The family left for vacation, and during the vacation, she emailed me constantly telling me the kids missed me and she wished I had gone with them to take care of them. She told me they went up to store mannequins and said they looked like me (how flattering, right?). Then, she came back and I never heard from her again.

It goes without saying that I never questioned the sanity of my bosses to their faces. There were times that I couldn't help but think they were purposefully being as strange as possible, just to test me. But again, I beg, please, please, PLEASE, if you are ever someone's boss, just treat them nicely. And don't try to hold a conversation with them while you are pooping. That's just nasty.

All I do is drive, drive, drive.

2011-11-22T23:03:00.005-05:00

Okay, I will admit there are some things (a lot of things) I don't understand about this world. Not things like where does the sun go at night or how do magnets work. More like why the Duggars continue to have children when they already have a fleet, who writes greeting cards and why aren't they fired, how has Two and a Half Men been on longer than Arrested Development, Pushing Daisies, and Freaks and Geeks combined, and most everything about cars (including but not limited to: car shows, car racing, and truck driving). Which leads me to the point that it is possible that this job post from Craigslist makes perfect sense to people in the truck driving biz. To me, it may as well be in German. (Although I have 3 semesters of German under my ill-fitting belt, I can't seem to remember anything other than the phrase Good Day. And everyone knows that.)

Toddler Peterbilt in search of trucking mom (Louisville and everywhere)

Really it's 4 toddlers. Peterbilt, Kenworth, Prostar, and Freightliner. All are 2009 and younger.
All have bright red complexion and they all talk to you.
This is done through the talking GPS system in each.
They also come with up to .425 cpm and plenty of year round miles. Up to 3000 of them a week.
We employ over 1000 women drivers.
All you need is a class A license and 6 months experience.

WHAT.

DOES.

THIS.

MEAN???

Are they comparing trucks to toddlers so they appeal to moms? (Because it is a fact that all moms have no interests other than toddlers!) Why do they explain that the truck "talks" through a GPS system? I think everyone in the entire world knows what a GPS is, and understands that the truck isn't ACTUALLY talking to them. Unless they are trying to recruit Encino Man to drive trucks, it is unnecessary to explain that the voices you hear are actually coming from the magical box. Excuse me, Encino WOMAN. And why is it important to add that they employ over 1000 women? So this post doesn't sound as sexist as it seems (or should I say is)?

Here are my interpretations of this post:

The bright red complexion is spot-on.

Or maybe:

I kind of hope it is this one. Thumbs up and all.

Even though that .425 cpm is awfully appealing, I'm not a mom. And I think they are looking for moms. . .or toddlers. . .or an idiot? I can't really tell. Plus, I don't have that 6 months experience. Darn. Will the disappointments never end??

I guess I'll just keep on truckin' (har har har). Until next time, remember that voice coming out of your radio is just Orson Welles and aliens aren't actually invading Earth. Guten Tag.

Parks & Rec: A Love Letter

2011-11-20T23:25:00.003-05:00

Just for kicks, I applied for a job at the Clarksville Parks and Recreation Department. I do not expect to hear from them (you're right – perhaps I should stop applying to jobs I don't actually have the right credentials for [astronaut], but I'LL DO WHAT I WANT), but I couldn't pass up the opportunity for a chance to work at a real life parks and recreation department. I regularly watch Parks & Rec on TV, and if I have learned anything from my 26 years here on Earth, it's that TV NEVER lies! (Is it bad that I had to pause before I typed 26 because I wasn't exactly sure how old I am?) So, if for some strange reason, the Clarksville Parks and Recreation Department sees this blog (I'm talking to you Ron Swanson!) – I will use this as an opportunity to tell you exactly why you should hire me.

1. I am SO GOOD at MS Paint. Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself:

BOOM! See? I imagine this could totally apply to many situations that may arise at the parks and recreation department. Like, if I had to crappily put my head (or anyone else's head) on someone else's body – I COULD DO THAT! Or, if they need stick people drawn to exemplify some kind of recreation or some kind of park – guess what? I could do that, too!

2. I love parks!

I have been to a few parks in my day. So I know a thing or two about them. I know parks may or may not be comprised of a lake, a playground, a walking trail, angry geese, crying children, geocachers, some kind of sports-related field or court, grass, inadequate lighting, benches, and slow walkers. See? I may as well have majored in parks. (It's as useful as art history, right?)

3. I have a love/hate relationship with recreation, but I respect it.

Recreation is important, and I get that. Moving on.

4. I am funny!

Having watched every episode of Parks and Rec, I know it is important to bring humor to such a mundane and often overlooked area of government. I think I bring the right amount of observational humor and hilarious apathy to the job, and I think the audience could really relate to me.

5. My degree is in public administration.

Yeah, I kind of don't understand what that means, either. But I think it might have something to do with government? I know I read the words public and administration in the job description so it must be a little bit pertinent, right? RIGHT? Also, this means I'm smart I think.

There you go! FIVE whole reasons you should hire me over some other schmuck who probably doesn't have my MS Paint skills or possess my unique sense of humor. Go ahead. Interview those other people. I bet they can only give you three to four reasons you should hire them. Do it. I'll wait. Now that you're on my side, I'll be waiting for my call.

Déjob Vu

2011-11-08T22:42:00.001-05:00

Today I had an interview for a job! But don't get too excited. It was an interview for a job (wait for it) that I already interviewed for in August. Yes, I am serious. And today is when I realized that it's finally happened. I have officially applied for every job in the universe. Or at least a 25-mile radius. In my defense, I didn't expect them to call me back. I only reapplied to annoy them and prove that they made a mistake in not hiring me. It seems they called my bluff. And when someone (anyone!) calls me for an interview, I have no choice but to go.

I didn't think it would be that much more awkward than a first-run interview. As usual, I was wrong. The interviewer was the same woman who interviewed me three months ago. The woman even had all of her notes she had written about me during my previous interview with her. She asked the same questions, told me the same information, and even read the entire job description to me as I followed along like a 3rd grader in her class at Is This Really Happening Elementary. Her first words to me were an exasperated explanation why they didn't hire me initially. I didn't ask. I didn't ask the third or fourth time she explained it either. (Apparently, I was overqualified three months ago, but now I am just the perfect blend of qualified and desperate!)

The longer I sat across from her, the more I realized I might have been rolling my eyes. Not intentionally, of course. But when someone you had the exact same encounter with three months ago continues asking questions that you know she is holding the answers to RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER FACE it's hard to take it seriously and not fantasize you are just rehearsing a scene for an upcoming made for TV movie. And in this particular movie (I think it would be a dramedy), I am a angst-ridden rebel who has a real problem with authority. But (for whatever reason) I was just thrust out into the cold, hate-filled world and now I have to man up and make it on my own. My first few attempts at landing a job didn't go so well, as evidenced by the delightful montage of unsuccessful interviews that this interview would most definitely be a part of. (Yeah, yeah. The story-line needs work. I said it was a made for TV movie. Give me a break!)

Anyway, once the interview finally wound to its long-awaited conclusion (on both ends, no doubt), this woman informed me that any subsequent interviews would be "hands-on." Since I wasn't applying for a job as a juggler, I asked her to clarify. She meant I would have to prove my Microsoft Word and Excel abilities were not exaggerated (because THAT'S what I am going to lie about on a resume..) by completing supervised tasks. OK. So, I am expected to type? And enter things into a spreadsheet? And, um, type some more? I don't really know how they think I got a Master's degree (in 2010, not 1986) without knowing how to use extremely basic computer software. I also don't know why they would even be interviewing someone who they suspected may not have this very basic knowledge.

And, ladies and gentlemen, this is my life! Waiting for someone to call to have me come take a remedial typing test for a job that I wasn't chosen for the first time around because I was "overqualified." Something tells me (perhaps the ridiculous and uncomfortable interview) that I probably won't even be asked to come in again. I guess I'll just have to wait and see, because (as we know) I can never turn down an interview. What can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment.

School's For Fools (Unless You Want to Be a Doctor)

2011-11-03T19:59:00.008-04:00

I feel duped, and I think most of you should, too! How many of you were told horror stories by high school counselors (while holding a flashlight under their chin to achieve that spooky dramatic look, of course) that culminated in the moral that the ONLY option after high school is college?

"Once upon a time there was a male high school student. He didn't go to college, and he fell into a well. And died."

"You remind me of a girl named Carol. But she didn't go to college, so she imploded."

"If you don't go to college, I will stab you in the calf with this shard of glass."

Okay, maybe not literal horror stories, but I was told that if I didn't go to college I would never amount to anything. College equaled lollipops, rainbows, and glitter-coated kittens raining from the skies. Nobody warned me not to major in Art History, or English. Nobody even told me there was an option other than college! And the word recession never even left the lips of these collegemongers. Due to years of brain washing by my elders, I thought the natural progression of life went: high school, college, SUPER SUCCESSFUL CAREER THAT PAYS A MILLION DOLLARS AN HOUR, and then marriage (or cats).

I have found (through hours and hours of researching jobs), education is still sought after. But, I have also found (through hours and hours of excruciating interviews and dozens of disappointing rejection emails) experience is more impressive and useful. What if I had been told that after high school I could have just gotten a job, and 8 years later I could have accumulated enough experience to go on to a successful career (instead of being an unemployed pajama-clad lump on the couch)? What if I was told that I could have gone to a technical school and gotten a 6 month certificate in, say, medical coding, and been well on my way to knowing all SORTS of medical codes? And, also, having a successful career.

I was never told those things. Naturally (due to fears of implosion and glass shards in the calf), I chose to go to college (that I couldn't afford). I got loads of students loans to pay for said college that I couldn't afford. After I graduated, I was unable to find a job to make monthly payments on the loans for the college I couldn't afford. So, I did what every college graduate who can't find a job does: I went to graduate school. To go to graduate school I had to get MORE student loans.

My high school counselors may have been wrong about college, but there was NO WAY they were wrong about grad school, too. I thought: "Maybe it's called a master's degree because it makes all who possess one a master of jobs?" Yes. That had to be it.

And here we are today. I am a master of a lot: self-deprecation, using old bananas to make banana bread, MS Paint, online shopping, telling myself I am going to run and then not running, eating too much candy, being continuously saddened by the steady demise of The Office, forgetting to take my multivitamin. . . I could go on. However, I am not a master of jobs. Searching for jobs, perhaps. But getting them? Negative.

So, I have a new plan. Get a Ph.D!

. . . NOT!

Oh, The Places I'll Go. . .Eventually

2011-11-01T10:29:00.006-04:00

It's November 1st, which means Halloween was yesterday. Since Halloween is the time to dress up and become someone else (often-times, a someone else who wears much less clothing than you), I decided that I should think about what other occupations I should try since my preferred one isn't panning out (it's kind of sad to change the direction of your career when you don't already have a career, but it's the day after Halloween when all things are possible!).

First, I needed to assess my skills. To shed some light on the situation, I Googled "career quizzes." Surely this would answer all of my questions. And everyone knows internet quizzes are very accurate and reliable. I found and finished a few, and of the results, here are my favorites: rabbi (umm....?), humanities (yes, this was listed as a profession), DJ (Tanner?), florist (I'm allergic to flowers), and inventor (I know there are actual inventors of things, but I can only think of Doc from Back to the Future on this one).

Since that was of zero help, I took inventory of my best skills and attributes:
-kind of funny
-awkward
-tall
-good at finding things on the internet (See above where I Googled and found career quizzes. I know I'm good. Don't be jealous)
-messy
-like animals
-smart
-can't dance

After running these personalized characteristics through my very high-tech and expensive algorithm machine, I have computed what careers I am best suited to have. Drum-roll please!!

-Mediocre Comedienne: I could do local open mic nights, be awkward, write jokes about tampons, and be mean to everyone while really having a heart of gold. It could even be a sit-com!

-Private Investigator: I am really good at hiding behind things, despite my tallness. I am messy, and nothing is funnier than a messy P.I. (am I right!?). And my good at finding things on the internet skill might translate into a good at finding things and people in real life skill. You'll just have to wait and see!

-Animal Trainer: Since I like animals, and am smart, I could train animals to be smart like me. The only down-side is, given my highly impressive can't dance skill, I won't be able to teach them to dance. And dancing animals are amazing and hilarious!

Looking at these extremely accurate and not at all made up results, I can see I have been shooting in the wrong direction for the past 2 (or 3?) years. I thought I was destined to help out the world (or at least a neighborhood or two), but really I am meant for so much more! Who wouldn't love to follow around cheating husbands (maybe even with a video camera!), get one or two people to laugh at your kind of funny jokes, or train animals to do everything but dance? Because I don't want to know those people.

Weird Job of the Week: Judging a Book by Its Cover

2011-10-25T22:41:00.011-04:00

Today, I am not focusing on one weird job. Instead, I have scoured Craigslist, and am awarding the best job postings with a highly coveted Andie's Blog Award (or ABA as it is more commonly referred) based solely on their titles. Forgive me.

Why, yes, it does look like an Emmy, doesn't it?

Thus, I will be judging a book by its cover. The name "Judging a Job Post on Craigslist by Its Title" doesn't have the same ring to it. So, without further delay, I present to you the ABAs!

Most Heartfelt (Literally):

♥ DEDICATED REGIONAL TRUCK DRIVING JOB - CLASS A

Well, I wasn't really interested in a truck driving position, but that heart really won me over!

Most Likely to Hire an Ex-Con:

Aggressive Sales People Wanted

I was indicted on 3 charges of aggravated assault (and I am hiding a crow bar behind my back)....when do I start?

Most...um...something...:

STOP KNOCKING ON DOORS -- *WORK INSIDE THE STORE*

Today I got a promotion, honey! Yes, they actually let me inside the building. Well, no I don't have an office, per se. I have to stand in the foyer. No, there aren't chairs. Well, Mr. Green told me they might get me one if I keep up the good work. I know I have bad knees but it beats knocking on the door all day for someone to let me in, doesn't it?!

Most Confusing:

Thoroughbred farm helper / Shipping Clerk

-Why the heck is our shipping bill from last month $59,000?

-Maybe you should have thought about that before getting into the horse shipping business.

Most Likely to Hire Based on Hotness and Preppiness:

Hot Prep Cooks

???

Most Vague:

Fun Fall Work!

Alright! Let's have fun!! It's fall!!! And work!!!

Most Awesome:

Paranormal Investigator

Seriously? Hire me now!

And thus concludes the 2011 ABA Awards. Thanks for continuing to read, even though the jokes were bad and the pictures were made using MS Paint. Goodnight!

Max Ehrmann Would Not Approve of this Post

2011-10-21T23:31:00.003-04:00

I know it's not right to compare myself to other people. Clearly, doing so would just make me feel sorry for all of those simpletons who can't live up to my amazing looks, smarts, and charm (awkward staring, bringing up my cat in every conversation, and ADD are all charming, right?). But, sometimes, I just can't help comparing myself to other people and wondering about the sequence of events that lead them to be employed in such a desirable position.

Having applied and interviewed at many (all?) organizations in the bi-state area, I have seen so many instances of people that are in over their heads when it comes to their jobs. Many of them have trouble writing emails in complete sentences, capitalizing proper nouns, and knowing which "there" to use in what context. (They're not going to get their tickets until we get there. See? Not hard!) I understand the culture of short-hand and text-talk, but really? You are emailing me from your work email as a professional human being, not txting ur BFF Courtney bcuz her BF broke up w/her. (OMG!) There is a time and a place, people! And using the word "2morrow" in an email to a potential employee is just unacceptable.

Something else I have noticed on multiple occasions, is the inability of some to use the most idiot-proof software or office equipment. I had an interview a few months ago with 2 women, but they only had one copy of my resume. Something prevented them from being able to print a second copy (perhaps, their brain?), and so they were sharing. I suggested, as most people with any common sense would in this situation, copying it with a (gasp!) copier. And they both looked at me like I just asked them to kill my hamster. Woman 1 said, "I can never get that big thing to work." And woman 2 added: "There are just too many buttons." It reminded me of a quote from Mad Men where Joan gives Peggy a typewriter, and explains that she shouldn't be nervous because it was designed to be so simple even a woman can use it. Coincidentally, I was also reminded of Don Draper telling Pete that he must have stolen his report because there isn't like there is some magic machine that makes identical copies of things. If you have ever seen Mad Men, or even know anything about Mad Men, you know that your job should NOT remind you of Mad Men. Ever. I was probably better off not getting that job come to think of it.

The last interview I had (which filled me with rage, see previous post), went pretty well for the most part. Although, I felt I was much more organized than my interviewer. She didn't have any questions prepared to ask, and at one point just asked me: "What do people normally ask in interviews?" She blamed it on a lunch meeting, but if you knew you were having a lunch meeting that would potentially force you to sound like a 5th grader, wouldn't you just not schedule an interview at that time/day? It was very laid-back, which I appreciated, but I just felt kind of lost. I wanted some structure, and to not feel like I was interviewing myself. She was the one making the decision on who to hire, so no wonder I didn't get the job. She probably forgot to ask me something crucial and instead of emailing or calling to discuss it, just offered the job to someone who didn't have the luxury of meeting with her post-brain frying lunch meeting.

I see people everywhere -- people who can't figure out their smart phones, talk about their inability to understand basic math, or refuse to learn anything new -- and I think, all of these people have jobs. Granted, they might not be jobs that would be desirable to me, but someone interviewed them and decided they were right for whatever job they were given. I have put in applications at Kohl's, Target, Books-A-Million, and other places that don't require much experience or education. But, I have heard nothing from any of them.

I'm told it's because I am overqualified for those jobs, but if I'm willing to work there, it shouldn't be up to them. I don't think I am better than these people, but I do think I am organized, have the ability to be professional, have common sense that allows me to figure out difficult brain teasers such as a copier or a printer, and deserve a chance to get paid for it. I don't know why I don't get a shot. There is always the chance they're just unwilling to put their jobs on the line by giving the job to someone who doesn't fit their exact description of a perfect employee, even if they can use they're, their, and there in their proper context. BOOYAH!